Hope
November 14, 2012 § 2 Comments
Lack of inspiration and limited time have kept me from writing lately. I started my new job as a psychotherapist last week and I’ve been spending a lot of time learning and observing. It’s fascinating work and I cannot believe I get to do it every day. I have finally achieved contentedness, possible verging on happiness. My life is amazing and I’m finally at a point where I’m comfortable with who I am, what I do and how I impact other people. The one thing, however I have been struggling with a lot lately is just being myself. And that’s very disconcerting because I should be the most at ease with myself; no one knows me better than I do.
What it means is that I’m hyper conscious of everything I say and do, or don’t say and do. I want everyone I meet to see hope coming from me. Hope calms people, makes them feel comfortable and gives them a sense that everything will be alright. That’s important when we live in a world of chaos. And not just for people with mental illness. Everyone struggles at times with sadness, anxiety, anger and a myriad of emotions that interfere with daily living. Life as an adult is challenging.
So I’m very cognizant of how I interact with everyone and that can be problematic because I know I’m not going to appeal to everyone I meet. I’m sensitive and that rejection is painful but I realize that is the issue of the individual person and not due to my lack of care or concern.
Still the anxiety that comes along with saying or doing the wrong thing (perceived or otherwise) can be overwhelming, almost to the point of paralysis. I work through that the best way I know how: acceptance. Accept the fact that not everyone will like me. That is terribly hard. Not only do I want to be likable but I want that likability to translate into allowing the other person to feel better about themselves. Maybe I try too hard and sometimes that shows through. I personally think that boosting a person’s self worth through how I treat them creates hope, for them and for me.
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I understand that being…or part of being a psychotherapist means being conscious of and sensitive to how you are perceived by your patients (clients?).
You have to gain their trust and confidenence, etc. But to be constantly aware of how you are perceived, even in your down time, away from work I think would be utterly exhausting.
Most of us do that in one way or another when we’re around another. But not ALL do that! Some just don’t care how they come off, how they are perceived and don’t care about other’s opinions. But I think we all want to be likable and liked. I know I want to be liked, especially by those I like, it doesn’t happen all the time though. When I discover someone doesn’t like me for whatever reason, I just have to respond to that and ask, what’s not to like? lol…. we can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time, right?
I think a balance is needed between caring too much and not caring at all. Compartmentalization is needed or you just might find yourself burning out.
Rose: Thank you for your insightful comment. It’s a strange dichotomy for me. I compartmentalize with my clients in that I work hard for a therapeutic relationship but I know I’m not always going to like them, nor them me. And that’s ok. I think where I get hung up is in my personal life because there are so many people I meet that just don’t care how they treat other people. And you’re right, what’s not to like? 🙂