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Lack of inspiration and limited time have kept me from writing lately. I started my new job as a psychotherapist last week and I’ve been spending a lot of time learning and observing. It’s fascinating work and I cannot believe I get to do it every day. I have finally achieved contentedness, possible verging on happiness. My life is amazing and I’m finally at a point where I’m comfortable with who I am, what I do and how I impact other people. The one thing, however I have been struggling with a lot lately is just being myself. And that’s very disconcerting because I should be the most at ease with myself; no one knows me better than I do.

What it means is that I’m hyper conscious of everything I say and do, or don’t say and do. I want everyone I meet to see hope coming from me. Hope calms people, makes them feel comfortable and gives them a sense that everything will be alright. That’s important when we live in a world of chaos. And not just for people with mental illness. Everyone struggles at times with sadness, anxiety, anger and a myriad of emotions that interfere with daily living. Life as an adult is challenging.

So I’m very cognizant of how I interact with everyone and that can be problematic because I know I’m not going to appeal to everyone I meet. I’m sensitive and that rejection is painful but I realize that is the issue of the individual person and not due to my lack of care or concern.

Still the anxiety that comes along with saying or doing the wrong thing (perceived or otherwise) can be overwhelming, almost to the point of paralysis. I work through that the best way I know how: acceptance. Accept the fact that not everyone will like me. That is terribly hard. Not only do I want to be likable but I want that likability to translate into allowing the other person to feel better about themselves. Maybe I try too hard and sometimes that shows through. I personally think that boosting a person’s self worth through how I treat them creates hope, for them and for me.