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I have simultaneously longed to write this post while dreading it. I think it is because it is going to make me sound conceited and a tad bit neurotic. But this part of my life has been so all consuming that if I don’t think it through and get some perspective I may find myself on the edge of a very steep cliff with no where to go but down. So I guess with that fabulous build-up, here it is.

It’s about dating. I know, groan. Another crazy girl story with jumping to conclusions and making mountains out of molehills as the action scenes. Just the fact that I’m writing about this demonstrates my insecurity and yet the compulsion is too strong to stop. I finally met someone that makes me swoon. I mean literally, I’m smitten. It has only been a couple of months but I’m the kind of girl that knows exactly what she wants and when it’s not there, I don’t keep looking for it. I know almost immediately on the first date if I want to see the person again or not. While I haven’t been on too many dates this year, it has been exclusively nothing but not, until now.

When I am with him, it is like we’re the only two people on the planet. Not only am I incredibly physically attracted to him, he is charming and smart and terribly clever; like I said, I’m smitten. He is a single dad and I adore how dedicated he is to his son. I also admire and respect his work ethic as his job takes him out of town almost every week, making it extremely difficult to have any semblance of a normal life. It is clear to me he is a genuine person of substance who is independent and doesn’t need someone else to validate his life. He and I are very similar in that respect. When we’re together, he says and does all the right things. When we’re together, he is generous, kind and thoughtful. When we’re together, he makes me feel like there’s no where else he’d rather be. When we’re together.

The problem is that those together times are becoming more infrequent and in between the times I do see him, I almost never hear from him unless I initiate the contact. No texts or calls. Maybe once in a while I get a tweet. I am a fairly confident and secure person but no contact whatsoever until he deems it convenient can unnerve even the most independent goddess. While he has told me that he likes me, his actions or lack of them, indicate differently so I’m really unsure about where I stand with him. I am not sure if what he’s doing is “normal” dating behavior for him and he sees nothing wrong with going three, four or five days without contacting me. This is where the neurotic part comes in. I haven’t dated in a long time and have never been one to really take the slow approach so perhaps this is how one who does take it slow behaves. Perhaps I need to adjust my thinking but I can’t help but wonder about the incongruity of his actions when we’re together versus when we’re apart.

While most everyone has their baggage, me notwithstanding, I am a confident, independent, intelligent, accomplished professional woman who has raised an amazing child and continues to evolve and grow as a human being. I’m proud of who I am and I would hope whoever I’m with would be proud of me as well. I’m what some might consider a “catch”. This is where I start to sound conceited. But I believe in who I am and what I have to offer. Which is why I don’t understand the feeling of rejection I’m getting from him. I can feel the distancing happening and it’s painful. I expect that at this point in this “relationship” he should have the compassion and courtesy to tell me in person. There’s nothing for me to do but to watch it unfold. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, why not just talk to him? I have been trying to do that for weeks but I can’t get him alone and in a space where a conversation can occur. I’m not giving up just yet but I see the writing on the wall.

If you’re reading this, call me.