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Decisions. We make them all the time. In fact, research suggests that we make 35,000 decisions every single day. That’s a lot of fucking decisions. I find that number astounding and then I started to wonder, how many of those decisions do I regret? I have research for that too which says that people end up regretting about a fifth of all our decisions. A FIFTH. That is 7,000 decisions PER DAY. Alright, so I’m sure a ton of those decisions are automatic: our brain and bodies thinking for us (keep breathing or you die) but many of those decisions involve a significant thought process, a flow chart, if you will, that almost makes it feel like we are deciding whether to start a nuclear war rather than just choosing between ice cream or whip cream with our pie. I’ve probably made 12,000 decisions alone in writing this paragraph.

Regrets are [inevitable] [part of life] [waste of time] [insert pithy quote here]. They often come with distressing consequences which are meant to cause us to change our future behavior. But what if we make decisions knowing we’re going to regret our choice (not eventually but instantly) and we do it anyway? What?! What kind of person would do that? Read on!

Now I know what you’re thinking: she’s a fairly intelligent, emotionally stable, mentally balanced person who’s also a therapist so if anyone would know better than to make an instantly regrettable decision it would be her, right? Right?!? Dear reader, your faith in me is heartening albeit perhaps misguided, and I love you for it.

Most of my instantly regrettable decisions involve other people, relationships that aren’t living up to my expectations. I feel that people come into our lives for a reason, whether that’s to enhance our life, cause some suffering to teach us a lesson, or make us look hard at what we’re doing and if it aligns with our values. Not everyone is going to be able to stick around forever, and that’s ok. Guess what? They’re not supposed to. Feel the loss, yes, but move on and know the universe will bring you someone better and more deserving of you.

Decisions, choices, actions shape who we are and create experiences in our lives that involve a lot of pain, suffering, problem solving and yes, regret. But, if done with a modicum of thought and openness, can also provide us with some learning and insight about ourselves. We are always going to make the wrong decisions but hopefully we will meet the consequences head on and become better human beings for it.